I sat in the nursery alone with my son, tears welling up in my eyes at the thought of missing worship...AGAIN. Around me he played, delighted at the fun new toys, the "choo choos," the shape sorter, the books - all of it was so exciting to him. And I felt utterly alone, at a new church, new people, a new way of doing things...it's not only a feeling of being alone, but of feeling lost - not knowing the way things run at the church, not knowing who to ask or what to expect.
My heart longed to worship My Savior, to hear the Word, to fellowship with believers, and yet here I was again alone in the nursery with a toddler who just won't sit still or stay quiet in church. "Why, Lord?" my heart cried.
Slowly, I am realizing, that worship is more than praise songs, hearing a message, being with believers. Those are all wonderful, God-given gifts to us for us to experience Him more deeply and together. However, in this season of my life, God is teaching me to worship Him solitariness, learning to see Him all around me, to bask in His presence no matter what my circumstances are. This season of my life is about embracing the wonderful relationship I am able to have with God through Christ. It is recognizing that He is my most essential need, and He has already and will always meet it. As, I see this time as a precious gift, instead of a frustration, I am more thankful that God is using this time to turn my heart to Him, learn contentment in Him, and love Him more deeply.
As a mommy who has missed more church than I've attended in the last month and a half and who has the unhappy prospect of possibly missing another Bible Study this week b/c the germs just won't go away, I really needed to hear this, Shannon. Thank you for sharing what the Lord is teaching you, so that we also in turn are learning too. Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh Shannon I feel your pain. We moved when Caleb was 6 months old to a new town a new style of church. Everything was new and different and to be honest I didn't like it one bit. However I knew that we were where God wanted us to be and he had a plan for us. This has become clearer and clearer over the years and we have moved on from the strange unknown to being part of the furniture. I think everthing feels so much harder as the winter draws in too (especially when you are not used to the British weather)
ReplyDeleteHang on in there. Keep trusting God and He will do amazing things through you and with your lives.
I wish you were closer so I could give you a big hug and do a stint in that creche room for you :)
xx
Shannon, I'm feeling your heartache in this blog. It's encouraging to hear someone else experiencing God in this way too. I love you! Praying for you today...
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