Surrender

It’s been a long hiatus from the blog. I’ve thought so many times of things I wanted to share – we’ve certainly had more happen than I could even possibly go back and chronicle. But, I’m hoping the hiatus is over. And I want to change the name of my little blog. Yes my intention is still to learn to trust the Lord with all my heart and remove the mask we wear in front of people, but the Lord is laying a new word on my heart…this may be an early New Year’s resolution word to sum up my goals for 2012, we’ll see…
Surrender
You know that beautiful hymn, “I Surrender All.” I remember singing it at least one out of every three invitations at church as I was growing up. I’ve always loved it, yet it haunts me still. Do I surrender all?
Part of my reason for not writing is wrapped up in that little word. Sure, a LOT of other stuff has happened too, that if you receive our ministry updates, you know. We left the UK in March, were in the states 3 months, then moved to the Philippines, where we’ve been for the last 4 months and we’ll be until at least April, maybe longer. We’re still praying about that. We moved around a lot until June, and have been learning to adjust to two kids. Then we moved here, where internet access is a bit more, well complicated.
But, the other thing that kept me from sharing was the issue of surrender. We’ve had so many changes, and to be quite honest I’ve been a very reluctant recipient of those changes. I wanted to be joyful and excited to be serving in ministry, but the reality was I was tired, overwhelmed, grieved, upset, angry, and I didn’t know how I could write honestly. As much as I know about the faithfulness of God, I wasn’t really seeing God’s faithfulness, just life’s disappointments.
But, little by little, the Word refreshes and the Holy Spirit mends, prunes, and directs. I know God is faithful, because He has never stopped working in my life, even in my anger, confusion, and hurt. He is faithful because I am the most unlikely missionary, and yet He has given me this opportunity. He is faithful because He patiently pursues my heart until I say, yes. Yes Lord, I will surrender to what You have for me. Come what may. I will rejoice, fix my eyes on You, and trust Your plan.
I surrender all.